case file · /01 · stag & hen dos
One last roast before the vows.
A custom diss track for the groom or the bride. Every bachelor party and every bachelorette needs a centerpiece, and every wedding speech needs a warm-up act. Type their name, load the stories, press play at the party.
what happens on the stag (or the hen) gets a chorus.
from $2.99 · no subscription · tracks never expire
Three steps. Zero talent needed.
- 01
Name the groom. Or the bride.
titles like 'the defendant' also accepted.
- 02
Crowdsource the dirt
one group chat thread. every groomsman or bridesmaid files a story. the track writes itself from the wreckage.
- 03
Drop it at the do
on the speaker at the party, or saved for the moment they think they've survived the weekend.
The stag and hen do idea that survives the hangover.
Most bachelor and bachelorette party ideas are logistics: the city, the house, the activity that seemed funnier on the group call. The roast song is the opposite. Ten minutes of the group chat's collective memory, one person typing, and the stag do or hen do has a centerpiece: a custom diss track about the groom or the bride, with a decade of their greatest mistakes in verse form.
The crowdsourcing is the secret weapon. Every groomsman knows a different era of the groom, and every bridesmaid keeps meticulous records on the bride: uni, the flat share, the situationship years, the questionable ex. Collect one story from each and the song becomes a biography nobody would have dared write alone. Plausible deniability, distributed evenly across the group.
It stacks with everything else on the itinerary. Play it on the first night as the opening statement. Play it behind the best man speech or the maid of honour toast as the warm-up act, or hand over three bars to quote when the material runs thin. Stag or hen, the mechanics are identical. For the record, hen do roast tracks are historically more brutal. We don't make the rules.
Asked before the booth.
case file · /01 · stag & hen dos · faq
- 01
Can it be the best man speech or maid of honour toast?
It can warm it up or replace it entirely. Play the track before the speech and quote the best bars, or let the song do the whole job while the karaoke share page rolls on the screen behind you. Nobody remembers a speech. Everybody remembers a chorus with the groom's or the bride's name in it.
- 02
Can the whole group chip in on the dirt?
That's the recommended build. One person runs the studio session, everyone else files stories in the chat. Paste the best ones in, and Shade the ghostwriter weaves them into verses. Splitting a track from $2.99 across the whole party is the cheapest line on the entire stag or hen budget.
- 03
When do we play it?
First night of the do, when everyone's together and the guest of honour least expects it. Keep the download for the wedding: it's the speech's secret weapon. The share page with karaoke lyrics means the whole party sings the chorus at them.
- 04
What if the groom (or bride) can't take a joke?
Then roast gently. You control every lyric before anyone hears it, and every track's share page carries a takedown link, so if something lands wrong it can be killed in a second. But they're marrying into your group's wedding speeches forever. They can take three verses.
Got other beef?
Your turn
in the booth.
from $2.99 · no subscription · tracks never expire
what happens on the stag (or the hen) gets a chorus.