case file · /02 · the group chat
Every chat has a main character.
A custom roast song for your best mate: the flake, the late one, the bad-takes guy, whoever the group chat's main character is this week. Their name, their lore, one link dropped in the chat with no context.
you know exactly who it is.
from $2.99 · no subscription · tracks never expire
Hear how it sounds.
- sample · /03
Bad Takes FC
UK garage
the chat's worst pundit
2:58dropping soon
real samples pressing now. yours could drop first.
Three steps. Zero talent needed.
- 01
Pick the victim
this week's main character. the chat already voted.
- 02
Compile the lore
catchphrases, screenshots, the take that aged worst. the chat's whole archive is admissible.
- 03
Drop the link
in the chat, no context, and watch it detonate. pin it for posterity.
Every chat is a cast list.
Run through your group chat and you'll find the same characters every chat has. The flake, who has been 'definitely coming' to things since 2023. The late one, whose 'omw' is sent from the shower. The bad-takes guy, loudly wrong about football, films and the economy in the same hour. The lurker who reads everything, says nothing and somehow still knows everything. The voice-note villain with the four-minute update and no point. Each one of them has earned a song, and the chat knows it.
The craft of a group chat roast is that you're not writing it about a person, you're writing it about a legend the chat built together. Feed Shade the catchphrases, the screenshots that got pinned, the take that aged like milk, and the song comes out sounding like the chat's collective memory finally set to a beat. Roast the character everyone already teases, keep it inside the lines the chat already plays by, and the target laughs hardest of everyone.
Delivery is half the art. Drop the share link with no context on a Tuesday afternoon and let it detonate. Pin it. Bring it back every time they lapse. A roast song about your best friend is the rare gift that appreciates: it resurfaces on birthdays, gets quoted in replies, and becomes part of the lore it was written from. Somebody in your chat is overdue. You knew who it was before you finished this sentence.
Asked before the booth.
case file · /02 · the group chat · faq
- 01
Who in the chat should get the song?
Whoever the running joke already orbits: the flake, the late one, the one whose take just aged terribly, the new main character. If the chat had to vote right now, a name would appear in seconds. That's the one.
- 02
Will it start actual beef in the chat?
Not if you roast the character, not the person. Stick to the habits and the lore the chat already teases them for, and the target laughs hardest. Every track's share page also carries a takedown link, so if a line lands wrong they can kill it in a second.
- 03
Can the whole chat build it together?
That's the best version. One person runs the session, everyone else files catchphrases and screenshots, and Shade the ghostwriter weaves the best of it into verses. A track from $2.99 split across the chat costs less than the round they never buy.
- 04
How do we drop it for maximum effect?
Share link, no context, peak chat hours. Let the first person to press play react in real time. Then pin it. The share page keeps the cover art, audio and synced karaoke lyrics together, so the chorus gets quoted at them forever.
Got other beef?
- Birthday Roasthits harder than any card.hear it →, custom funny birthday roast songs
- Fantasy Finalstrophy or trash track.hear it →, fantasy football loser punishment diss tracks
- The Bachelor(ette)last drinks before lockdown.hear it →, bachelor party, bachelorette, stag do and hen do roast songs for the groom or bride
Your turn
in the booth.
from $2.99 · no subscription · tracks never expire
you know exactly who it is.